Why Bella Should Not Get Tan
by PopItLikeAPopTart
Summary: Bella has always been the insanely white one, and when Alice wants Bella to get a spray-on tan, things just don't exactly go the way they're supposed to. The other thing; it just keeps on getting worse.


**Hey everyone! Thanks for checking this story out! Please just stick with it, it's a little boring in the beginning but then it gets better… Kinda used the plot line from ****Friends** **so don't sue me. But just to do this officially:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****Friends**** and I do not own any of the lines that may resemble the ones in the show.**

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"Alice," I moaned quietly, "This is such a bad idea!" Alice pushed me across the parking lot and up to the dreaded small building in front of us.

"Oh calm down Bella. You need this before your honeymoon, dear."

It was only a few more days until my honeymoon, and Alice insisted that I get a tan for it. So she marched me up to the building labeled 'happy sun'

"I don't tan! I burn!" I tried to tell her.

"Bella, it's a spray-on tan. Anyone can get one."

"I can't!" I insisted.

"Bella! These things are idiot-proof!"

"Alice" I moaned again. We were right outside the door; Alice opened it and shoved me in.

"Hello," An overly tan women greeted us from behind a counter. She smiled brightly at us. "Welcome to Happy Sun. What services would you like today?"

"A spray on tan for her." Alice motioned to me.

"Ok," She gave another huge smile, "Right through those doors, um…"

"Bella."

She opened up the door into the back and Alice followed me. We waited in that room until a man came up to us, and shook our hands. Alice explained again what we wanted.

"Right this way Bella." He lead me though a series of doors, and Alice remained behind in the waiting room. We finally stopped in one, and the man let us go in first. The room had what looked like a shower with a low nozzle in it. "So Bella, have you done this before?" he eyed my pale skin doubtfully.

"Um, no."

"Well were pleased to have a new customer." The man nodded his head. "We have 3 different colors we spray with, one being the lightest and 3 being darkest. We also have a four, but that usually doesn't work well. She showed me pictures of what I would look like with each of the three sprays.

"I think one would be best."

"Alright, now Bella; your going to step in the chamber, and face the wall with the light. Once that light goes on, close your eyes and mouth. A beeping noise will sound once it is done spraying. You need to pat the excess moisture off your front because it will look weird if you wait. You need to wait 5 seonds for it to soak in, and try to be as still as you can. Now you have exactly 4 seconds to turn around and get your back. Understand?"

I nodded, this really was idiot-proof. He handed me a towel and told me to step into the shower with my bathing suit on. I did as I was told and stood in the chamber waiting for the light to go on. After a few seconds it did, and I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. A hissing sound started, followed by a cool mist washing over me, followed by a long beep. I quickly patted the front of myself dry, counting in my head. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi. I patted myself dry again, and hung the towel back up. I was about to turn around when a hissing started and the mist started coming out. WHAT?? I should have had more time!

I stumbled out of the shower, patting my front dry.

"Oooo-kay, how'd it go?" The man strolled in.

"They both sprayed on my front!"

"What? You got two ones?" The man clarified.

I nodded a little hysterically.

"How'd you manage to do that?"

"It's the machines fault! I counted normally!"

"How'd you count?"

"1 Mississippi-"

"Wait, Mississippi?" The man stopped me. "No, you don't count with Mississippi in it!"

"Count Mississippi-lessly?"

"Uh, yeah!" The man started laughing.

"What will happen?"

"Well you got sprayed with two ones, your gonna be a two. You've gotta even both sides out." The man found this humorous. "You'd better get back in there."

I sighed angrily. I knew this would go wrong. Now I was going to look stupid.

I stepped into the shower again, and turned my back to the light. I immediately noticed that I would have no way of knowing when to close my eyes and mouth; so I turned around to face the light and to tell the guy the problem "Wait a minute! There's no light on the back of the wall! How do I know when its go-" I was cut of by the mist spraying while I was still facing the front. I wasn't ready for it, and I had my eyes open. It stung like crazy, and I was immediately blinded. I tried to quickly turn around for the second one, but I was confused and I THOUGHT my back was facing the light. Well it turned out I was wrong. "No! Not again!"

I stumbled out of the shower, rubbing my eyes and trying to get rid of the stinging.

"How'd that one go?" The guy entered the door.

"The same thing happened again!"

"What?!" The man looked at me in disbelief. "Wait so now you have four ones just on your front?"

"Yes!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"No!" I said angrily.

XXXX

"You've got to be kidding me!" Alice took a look at me, and started laughing without stopping. The tan was only just starting to show, it would get worse. "Bella…"

"Lets just go."

Alice was still laughing when we left the store. The man gave us a half-off bargain. I wasn't amused by this. I got in the car and slammed the door.

XXXX

We went to another tanning place, one Alice had also heard about. After a little waiting, I was lead into a room by another man. I told the man that I wanted a four, and he looked at me a little funny.

"Ok, so Bella; first your gonna step on into that chamber over there-"

"Now I'm going to stop you right there. Does it look like this is the first time I've done this?" The half-tan was getting even worse now, and it would get even more dark. "Now do I count Mississippi or Mississippi-lessy?"

The man looked puzzled.

"Do I count with or without Mississippi?" I asked again.

"Uh, with? But we're only doing one 4, so you don't need to count at all."

"Thank you." I stormed into the chamber without a backwards glance. I turned my back to the nozzle, looking back to make sure I was in the middle. Once I was satisfied, I turned around to face the front. I was surprised to see the nozzle in front of me. _That's funny… I thought I turned my back on that one… _And then I turned around. I did turn my back on one; there were two nozzles in this one, both on opposite sides. "What, but there's two… which one? Wait a minute!" Too late. Of course, my luck, my front is facing the nozzle that goes off. "AGH!" I stumbled out of the shower yet again.

"Ok, great you're all ready to go!" The man came into the room.

"It happened again!"

"You got 4 more ones?" The man asked.

"I'm an 8!"

XXXX

"You know Bella; most people don't have difficulty with that." We were back in the car, pulling into the Cullen's garage, and I had my arms crossed across my chest angrily.

Everyone was going to give me a hard time with this.

As expected, as soon as I opened the door, Emmett was there. He took one look at me, and laughed his booming laugh. "Well hello there, Hawaiian Tropic!" He hadn't seen the worst of it.

I scowled at him and angrily stomped up the stairs. Then Emmett saw I was uneven. He almost fell to the ground in a laughing fit. "What happened?!" He asked in his hysterics.

"I don't want to talk about it." I growled.

Then Jasper came from out of nowhere at the top of the steps, saw me, and knew what Emmett had been laughing so hard about. He too went into laughing hysterics, "Did you go on a trip to the sun and forget to turn your back on it?" I scowled at him over my shoulder, and tried to walk with as much dignity as I could into Edward's room. Of course I had to trip right then. The two vampires couldn't laugh any harder or louder then they were now.

The worst part, Edward. He was giggling, (I would make fun of him later for that) stuffing his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing as loud as the others. "Hello Bella" His voice wavered from the laughter that wanted to come.

"Go ahead, make fun." I gave up. Edward let out his beautiful laughter, and I wanted ever so much to punch them all. But I knew it would result in a broken hand, possibly entire arm, so I resisted the urge. Maybe if I used a crowbar or bat like Jacob suggested…

While Edward was still letting it out, the door swung open, and Rosalie came in view. She gasped in laughter at me, and slammed the door shut. I could still hear the 3 vampires outside laughing at my predicament.

I got up off the coach, and looked around Edward's room.

"What are u doing?" Edward gasped through his laughter.

"Trying to find a crowbar."

For the record, spray-tanning is defiantly not idiot-proof.

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**Hope you enjoyed, I'm not used to doing humor... I did another story for MR, but I didnt get many reviews. :) Review plllleaaaaaase, maybe tell me if I should do more humor if you found that funny at all. If I get enough I may just make another chapter, I sorta got an idea for it.**

**-Oh and a thanks to my Beta-Reader Give up your Prejudices for, well, doing Beta-Reading stuff.- :)**


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